she's just saying...

The cream in my coffee

My half and half habit has escalated, to my waistline's detriment. I blame New England, and #1 sister.

New Englanders like cream. In New England (where I lived during my formative coffee-drinking years), when you order a "regulah" coffee, it comes with a generous glug of half and half. If you don't believe me, go to a Dunkin' Donuts. My very New England aunt used to use light cream in her cereal, and felt she was sacrificing when she cut back to half and half. And Sister #1, as my readers know, is a strong advocate of cream. She only uses non-ultra pasteurized half and half, and like many other things, I acquired the same taste. There really is a difference.

So Saturday night Henry apparently ran out of milk for his cereal fix and made do with the last of my cream (diluted with water). I woke up Sunday morning to no cream or milk. He soon learned the error of his decision, and I doubt it will happen again. So after Henry made an emergency run to the corner store and I was fortified with coffee, I did my usual Sunday Safeway shopping.

I used to buy the usual small pint size container for my coffee. Without realizing it consciously, I had moved up to the quart size some time ago. They were out of quarts this Sunday, so I reached right for the HALF GALLON. Now it sits in my fridge and frankly I feel no shame. Just the comforting knowledge that it's there for my coffee tomorrow morning.

Mmm... creamy.

Cereal Guilt

Being a charter member of the Bad Moms Club, I have plenty I can feel guilty about. Topping the list this week is sugared cereals.

Henry eats about five bowls of cereal a day. At least. So I've posted a list of cereals on our fridge, ranked by nutrition. I drew a line below which I wouldn't buy. It's right below Frosted Flakes and right above Cookie Crunch. Nothing involved with  marshmallows, cookies or candy bars.        

Henry's been on a campaign for the last seven years to get me to buy him Lucky Charms (way down on the list). I've brought home all the fun organic brands I ended up having to choke down, slid by with Cocoa Krispies and even stooped as low as Trix (see photo). So far I've resisted the charms of multi-colored marshmallow bits ("extruded marbits," technically) but he's wearing me down.

Henry's about 5' 8" and weighs 115, so childhood obesity is not an issue here. He's also never had a cavity, so my warnings that his teeth are going to rot out and be drilled to the roots don't work. He really isn't into sugar otherwise: I have to throw out Easter and Halloween candy months later (after I've eaten my fill), but he wants that cereal.

My friends range on the continuum of "sugar = poison" to "what's the big deal, it's just a friggin' box of cereal!" I don't buy into the popular conviction that sugar and food dyes cause behavioral issues, ADHD, bad grades, juvenile delinquency and general depravity. But standing in the cereal aisle, looking at the screaming neon packages designed to entice innocent babes to stuff themselves with chemicals, the Bad Moms Club guilt kicks in.

Anyway, I only have to hold out 12 more days. Summer's coming, and what's summer for but to sleep late, watch cartoons and eat junky cereal?  Isn't it?

Quite pretty, really, but is it food?

Cranberries Go Tex-Mex

Yes this is a repeat. So sue me.

This is my all-time favorite cranberry sauce. I bring it to every Thanksgiving gathering, mostly for me. It adds a surprising and welcome contrast to the typical Tgiving menu, and goes great on cold turkey sandwiches as well. Warn the children, however - it's spicy.

TEX-MEX CRANBERRY SAUCE

INGREDIENTS: (approximate)
1 bag of cranberries
cup of sugar
cup of water
up to 1 chopped jalapeno, or about 1/4 cup canned, chopped
1-2 scallions, sliced
1+ tablespoon cilantro
1+ teaspoon cumin
2+ teaspoons lime juice

DIRECTIONS:
Combine water and sugar in a medium saucepan. Bring to boil; add cranberries, return to boil. Reduce heat and boil gently for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat, gently stir in all the other ingredients and modify heat to your taste. This keeps forever in the fridge.

Fiddlehead!

I'm feeling very earthy and springlike today, though it appears to be snowing outside again. I just got a precious pound of fiddlehead ferns. Fiddleheads are tightly spiraled fern fronds, not yet unfurled. These alien-looking curls are only available for about two weeks in May - that's it, so if you haven't gotten any yet, you're out of luck.

They are a New England delicacy in my mind, but here they are in Oregon. I scored mine from the Agricultural Connections, a community-supported agricultural group here in Bend who have some adventurous vegetable offerings as well as the basic stuff.

People describe fiddleheads as tasting a bit like asparagus, but they really don't. They taste very green and deep and mysterious, with an addictive texture and crunch. Trim, rinse and blanch, then saute with butter, salt & pepper, a little lemon and maybe some garlic. I served them over angelhair (seemed fittingly delicate), and maybe ate too many last night.

I hear that warm weather has arrived elsewhere on earth, but here in the mountains, it's still a rumored event. The flowers and trees are doing their best and the late evening light is stirring up the animals, but it's still in the 50's most days. We're getting a little tired of it, but given the weather elsewhere I'm not complaining. I'll just eat my way to summer - I hear Paradise Farm Stand has morels again...

No Joe for me

Really? That's all you've got? One suggestion? You guys would be duds at the Comedy Club!

But, one's all I need. I shall now riff on Trader Joes, since I don't have much more to say about rice than I said here. I never did buy the rice cooker, btw. I realized that my heavy faux-Calphalon does just fine. One more appliance not to store.

Now to my stand-up routine. Trader Joe's. What is it about Trader Joe's?  [Pause for laughs.] Do they slip drugs in their 2 Buck Chuck or something? The place is a cult. When I lived in LA, it was truly freaky. You'd compliment someone on their crackers and they'd get all excited: "I got them at Trader Joe's!" People would open their cupboards and pull out bags of food and say "Look what I got at Trader Joe's!" Weird. You never hear people say "Look what I got at Safeway!" Right? It's a store, people. You didn't have to brave the Amazon to get those Turkey Cilantro Mini Wontons and the Gluten-Free Flax Seed Toaster Waffles.

Bend got a Trader Joe's a few years ago, to much buzz, anticipation and excitement. I'm going to confess something here: I've never been to it. To me, the place is suspect. Weird private-label packaging, Hawaiian shirts, overly happy people, I don't know. There's something not quite right about it.

And about that Two-Buck Chuck. "It's just as good as the expensive wine!" No, it's not. You just can't tell the difference.

Thanks, I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waitperson.

the cookie list

Sorry for the delay in posting. Some holiday or something intervened. As well as the intestinal flu.

But before I ended up prone and moaning for the last 24 hours on my parents' couch, I was busy knitting presents (mostly done - more on that at another time), shopping, cleaning up, making dinners, wrapping and most importantly, baking cookies.

Due to not being home for the holidays, I didn't get to the usual 5+varieties. Here's the final tally:

• Russian Teacakes
• Cocoa Rum Balls
• Peppermint and bitter chocolate frosted brownies
• Lemon Coconut Squares, not technically a Christmas cookie but by demand from MyBigBro

 Aunt Hattie's Squash Rolls made an appearance, plus your usual oyster stew, seafook paella, roast beef, chicken pot pie, apple crisp and go-withs.

Today we're snowed in, which is pretty cool actually in North Carolina, so we are canceling the one chance we had to go out to eat and are cooking at home again tonight. We're throwing in the towel and having waffles with chicken gravy.

Photo of something interesting here when I feel better.

 

 

screwing the poultry

That's got to be my most provocative post title yet.

Here is my poultry trussing screw:

I have to admit I threw that implement in the kitchen tool list just to skew it in my favor. (Note: I said "skew" there.) I actually use twine and or skewers most of the time, as the skewer screw is a little tricky to get right.

So, what weird implements do you have in the back of your drawer?

Top Ten Tues: Kitchen Implement Challenge

Great-Aunt Hattie's Squash Rolls, and a pie

First, a Thanksgiving story:

I was invited to a friend's home for the meal, and we planned a relaxed, mellow evening with kids and food. I offered to bake a pie and yeast rolls, and was asked to make the cranberry sauce as well. I provided a good bottle of wine, and we agreed we needed a vegetable, so I suggested I make this fantastic brussels sprouts and shallots thing. Turns out I was making quite a bit of the meal. On Tuesday the host family's new stove was delivered but unfortunately did not fit, so my oven was pressed into service for the turkey, stuffing and sweet potatoes that my friend made. Thursday morning, they dropped off the turkey, still in its plastic, two pans and went skiing. I spent the day mixing, baking, trussing, cooking and basting, and made the gravy too. I piled it all up in the car with Henry and we drove a few blocks for dinner. Once there, I whipped up the brussels sprouts dish and ended up carving the turkey as well.

At least I didn't have to do the dishes.

Luckily for all, I love cooking, though maybe not all day. The meal was fantastic of course, and we did bring home leftovers.

So, the challenge: here are some of the unusual tools I used on Thursday. How many of these do you have in your kitchen?  [Once again, #1Sister can't play as I know she has them all.]

1. Pie weights
2. Crust guards
3. Trussing screw
4. Turkey baster
5. Stock/oil separator
6. Dough-kneading board
7. Citrus zester
8. Meat thermometers
9. Flat whisk
10. Nut grinder

Not-mine Wonton Soup

This is straight from MichelleLB at PDXKnitterati. I'm making it tonight so will let you know how it goes!

Wonton Soup

¼ lb peeled deveined shrimp, (frozen thawed is fine, and size doesn’t matter since it will be ground)
¼ lb ground turkey breast
6 medium to large shiitake mushrooms (3 for filling and 3 sliced for soup)
1 can sliced water chestnuts (half for filling and half to go in soup)
1 stalk green onion
3 to 6 stalks bok choy (half goes into filling; other half goes into soup) I like baby or shanghai bok choy. If you use the smaller bok choy, 6 stalks; if you use the really big long stuff, 3 is plenty)
snow pea pods, amount of your choosing
1 egg
¼ tsp five spice powder
½ Tablespoon oyster sauce
1 package wonton wrappers
1 48 oz box reduced sodium chicken broth
2 cups water

Start your broth, water, 3 sliced mushrooms in a large soup pot. This can heat while you prepare wontons; when it boils bring it down to a simmer.

I have a small food processor, so I chop things sequentially. This also lets me avoid chopping the vegetables too finely; we want some crunch!

Chop and place into a large bowl: the shrimp, turkey (already ground), 3 mushrooms, ½ can water chestnuts, half the bok choy, green onion. Combine eggs, 5 spice, and oyster sauce and add to bowl, Mix all ingredients well. (does it need a little more 5 spice? give it a sniff; it should smell divine. I tried to measure but had to guess because at first I had too much in my measuring spoon)

Fold wontons! I put a little less than a tablespoon of filling in each wonton. Fold on the diagonal, then use the back of your spoon to put a dab on the fold next to right side of the filling (on the outside), give a little twist and fold to bring the underside of the left side of the filling mound to the dab on the of the right side of the filling mound. Sounds confusing, I know. You can google it, but my way is different than the ones I found there. They all work.

Bring broth back to a boil. Add wontons and remaining water chestnuts. Cook for 4 minutes, reducing heat to medium when soup begins to boil again (don’t want to jostle the wontons too much and have them fall apart!). After 4 minutes, add the remaining bok choy (sliced in 1 inch pieces on the diagonal) and pea pods. If you have extra shrimp, now is the time to put them in the soup, too. Stir occasionally to get the vegetables down into the soup. Soup is ready in about 3 more minutes. Don’t overcook; it gets sloppy!

If this is more food than you need, you can store the extra filling in the fridge for a couple days, and make fresh wontons again.

Hey Michelle: Thanks for the recipe and the material for another blog post!

Cranberries go Tex-Mex

This is my all-time favorite cranberry sauce. I bring it to every Thanksgiving gathering, mostly for me. It adds a surprising and welcome contrast to the typical Tgiving menu, and goes great on cold turkey sandwiches as well. Warn the children, however - it's spicy.

TEX-MEX CRANBERRY SAUCE

INGREDIENTS: (approximate)
1 bag of cranberries
cup of sugar
cup of water
up to 1 chopped jalapeno, or about 1/4 cup canned, chopped
1-2 scallions, sliced
1+ tablespoon cilantro
1+ teaspoon cumin
2+ teaspoons lime juice

DIRECTIONS:
Combine water and sugar in a medium saucepan. Bring to boil; add cranberries, return to boil. Reduce heat and boil gently for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat, gently stir in all the other ingredients and modify heat to your taste. This keeps forever in the fridge.

Well-preserved

Kaiser in a can

48 jars and counting...

I've been canning up a storm. Not really sure what got into me this year, but at least it's been productive.

So far I've put up:

• Fig/Peach Preserves
• Tomato Jam
• Figgy Plum Compote
• Peaches in Bourbon Sauce
• Vanilla Applesauce
• Spicy Peach Salsa
• Fruit and Tomato Chutney

My main challenge now is where to store it all. I'm worried that the garage gets too cold - could the jars freeze and crack? Maybe under my bed. Though it kind of creeps me out to have food, no matter how well preserved, in places not normally designated for it. I need to dig a root cellar! I'll put it on my list.

Many of the 48 jars will be holiday gifts for neighbors and co-workers (none of whom read my blog so I'm not ruining the surprise). The jars are probably more expensive than the contents, at about a dollar each, and I wouldn't mind having them returned. I'm a little unclear on the etiquette for asking for them back so that probably won't happen. Maybe a little label saying: "Return this jar to be filled with more goodies next year"?

I think the canning frenzy is almost over, especially as my special source of almost-overripe fruit is winding down (sob). I still have a couple bags of apples and pears and that should do it. My vision is a relaxed, mellow Christmas season as I pass out beautiful jars of bright gleaming fruit to the masses. It'll never happen, but at least I'm a bit closer...

 

PS: Only one comment in 12 days? Is it over between us?

As per demand: Peach Salsa

Didn't I once say I wouldn't publish recipes because they're so boring to read? This one is by request for Dani.

Last year when I had a huge amount of peaches to can I started experimenting beyond jam. Jam isn't that interesting to make and it's kind of a ho-hum gift. I needed an interesting recipe that was unique. I love mango salsa on fish and chicken, so late one canning night decided to go with a peach version.

As usual I don't measure so this is approximate. Go with your taste buds. Remember that hot food can mask a lot more sweetness than cold, so under-sweeten.

If you're going to can this, try not to cook more than a few minutes as it will cook further in the hot water bath. I'm not going to go into how to can as it's too tedious to type out. There are a million sources for that info if you need it. I love reading the State Extension Service websites, myself. Reminds me of home ec class in the sixties. Those were nice simple innocent times.

If you're only eating this fresh, you don't even need to cook it, I suppose. Never tried it that way.

Peach Salsa approximately

• 1 chopped red onion (red for color - any kind will do)
• chopped red bell pepper (eww! eww! I only add for authenticity here)
• 1-3 jalapeno peppers, minced, depending on your heat preference
• 1/4 cup white or cider vinegar
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 6-7 peaches, peeled and chopped
• 1-2 tomatoes, peeled and seeded (surprise ingredient!)
• 2 teaspoons ground cumin
• Grated lime zest from a whole lime, then squeeze it and add juice
• half a bunch of chopped cilantro - maybe 1/3 cup
• salt and pepper

I like to start the onion, garlic, peppers and vinegar on very low heat for awhile to soften and lose their rawness. Whoo that's pungent! Then add sugar, peaches and tomatoes and let it simmer for a few minutes or longer. Add the last ingredients, cook a minute longer and can. Or cool and serve.

Advanced add-on: depending on the juiciness of the peaches: before adding the last four ingred., dump this into a strainer and press lightly to extract the watery juice. Then boil that down to a syrup and add back. Warning! If you forget to watch it, it can caramelize and burn quickly. Ask me how I know.

This sounds disgusting.

 

Yes, we can!

Even though I'm known to jump on the trend train, I hate it when something I've done forever suddenly becomes the latest cool thing and I seem like just one of the nouveau crowd. Knitting was one example, except I love that there are new hip young dedicated knitters (a la Ravelry, the knitting social site, that I'm addicted to). So that's not really an example. Never mind.

What I'm referring to here is canning food. I've canned food since my twenties, when I had a weird episode making ketchup, which (ketchup) stayed around seemingly for years. It was delicious, actually - more like tomato relish/chutney with a ketchup texture. But how much ketchup does one need?  We ended up ditching it in the middle of the night in the garbage. I've regularly made peach jam and tomato sauce over the years - good for Christmas gifts and makes me feel like a traditional and practical farmer's wife from the midwest, none of which I am.

So this year is no exception. Adam calls me when he has tomatoes and peaches that are no longer saleable so I have a direct pipeline to the raw foodstuffs. I've been canning the usual suspects and have branched out to the peach salsa and tomato jam shown above as variations on the theme.

"Apparently canning and preserving are back big time," Lynne Rossetto Caspar is saying, as I type this, on "The Splendid Table." How annoying, seriously.

So far I haven't sickened anyone with botulism, yet. I use the hot-water-bath method, both for the jars and myself, and that seems to work. I haven't graduated to a pressure cooker and probably won't, being one more random appliance to store. (We do have a cousin who collects them as yet another example of our family's weird collecting fetish. Though I suppose they're more useful than some of the things we hoard enjoy...)

You do have to buy some equipment as shown here, but it's a small investment for the great feeling of pride and accomplishment you get as you realize you can provide for your family in the face of the upcoming apocalypse. You'll all be scrounging for scraps, and we'll be full of tomato jam and feeling smug.

The accoutrements of canning

 

Farm Stand Ratatouille

This is the time of year we get the best vegetables in Central Oregon. Stop at Paradise after work, grab all the ingredients and you've got a one-stop, one-pan meal.*

The traditional recipe for ratatouille calls for sauteing each vegetable separately, combining them and baking. But that's not going to happen around my house. So this more a description of how I cook vs. a recipe, and you should modify as you wish. 

1 eggplant  

1 big yellow onion

2-3 zucchini

3-4 tomatoes

a few cloves garlic

Herbs and such: parsley, pepper, lemon juice, capers, thyme, rosemary as you like 

Note: some people add bell peppers, but never in this blog...

Slice eggplant into 1 inch slices, salt both sides and drain in a colander for at least a 1/2 hour. (If you don't have time you can skip this step, but the eggplant will be mushier.)

Meanwhile, slice the onion and cut the slices in half and saute in olive oil in a large deep skillet for 15 minutes or so.  Add the garlic now so it doesn't burn.

Slice the zucchini in 3/4 inch rounds, cut them in half, add to onion.

By now the eggplant should be drained. Wipe the salt off and blot hard with paper towels, then chop into 1 inch cubes. Add to pan. Let the zucchini and eggplant cook for awhile before adding the tomatoes.

Slice the tomatoes in half, squeeze out the seeds, chop and add to the pan.

Let everything bubble along for a bit til it's the consistency you like. Add flavorings from above list as you like and serve!

The great thing about this dish is that it gets better in the next few days, it's great at room temperature, and goes with everything. I like it with couscous, or just good crusty bread, a little red wine and some fresh basil sprinkled on top.

*Olive oil, bread and wine not available at Paradise. Darn.

Top Ten Tues: summer rerun edition

OK, so now it's August. I've blogged about my feelings about August previously, but this year it feels a little different. Summer came so late to Central Oregon that August is feeling like July. The town is praying that summer will stick around later than usual, which means no snow til November, please.

I was reading old posts and realized something profound: the reason this blog has gotten boring (in my opinion) is that life is pretty boring right now. No agonizing break-ups, no major surgery, no work drama, nothin' but good times. No complaints, but no inspiration. So I'm taking a blogger's perogative and rerunning some previous stuff.

So, what we eat in the summer. Recipes upon request. This list does not include the standard chicken/fish/shrimp on the grill that we have regularly. This is when I'm cool enough to cook and have the urge.

1. ratatouille with couscous
2. fish tacos
3. french potato salad
4. linguine alla vongole (clams to you)
5. greek salad - hold the bell peppers
6. gazpacho with shrimp: ditto
7. killer shrimp (stolen from the LA diner of the same name)
8. salad nicoise
9. the humble fresh tomato parsley parmesan omelet
10. grilled eggplant with soy sauce

I just realized that I've been making these same dishes for years. We don't eat beef, pork or lamb so it can be a challenge to come up with new menus. What do you cook when it's hot?

 

 

Jicama days

First of all, it's pronounced hee'-ca-ma. Not hick-a-ma, like hiccup. Everyone corrects me but I'm right about this one. Irritating. It's Spanish, people!

Anyway, it's a big root.

I first encountered jicama when we lived in Mexico City during my sixth grade. The jicama man would push his cart down the street, and we'd run out and buy a slice with salt, lime juice and chili powder on it. Now that I think of it, that's a pretty odd thing to sell from a cart, as it's about the easiest thing possible to prepare other than peeling. 

So that's how I prepare it, accompanied by a cerveza, chips and salsa. Perfect on a hot summer night like tonight with the ballgame on.

S'mores

We've got a thing for s'mores around here. For those of you who never went to scout camp or just arrived on this planet, a s'more is a graham cracker sandwich made with a melting marshmallow and piece of Hershey's chocolate. You're supposed to toast the marshmallow on a stick over coals, but nuking the whole thing in the microwave works in a pinch.

Controversies surround the proper toasting technique. I prefer the perfect golden melting perfection achieved through careful patient toasting. Then there are those philistines who like to immolate their marshmallow into a flaming sugar inferno, which not only tastes burnt but causes cancer. Seriously.

I bought s'more makings for our family gathering last week and we enjoyed watching three 20-somethings turn into 11-yr-olds again along with the actual 11 yr-old in attendance. My cousin Rafe had the toasting technique down - I was quite impressed.

I also learned that it's really hard to shoot a pure white object next to a pure black object with a point-n-shoot camera.

artsy

Weeknight Caesar

One of my go-to meals is Caesar Salad.

(BTW, it's one of my pet irritations to see Caesar spelled wrong on menus. So annoying.)

I've made CS since I was in college and it's always a hit. It's a 10-minute recipe, perfect for the casual-but-impressive spontaneous entertainment meal you want to be known for. So, in the spirit of giving back to my wonderful supportive readers, I'm sharing it here.

(This is actually the classic Caesar recipe - I just explain how to cut corners and make it quick.)

Quick-but-Authentic Caesar Salad

all amounts are approximate - adjust to your taste

• 3-4 anchovies, smashed, or 2 tsp anchovy paste
• 1 coddled egg (see note below)
• 2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• juice of 1/2 lemon (or more - I like a lot of lemon)
• 1/2 tsp dijon mustard
• 1tbsp garlic (I use jarred minced)
• salt and pepper

• head of romaine, ripped into bite-size pieces
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan
• croutons (optional)

Place first eight ingredients into a jar and shake hard. Pour over lettuce, add cheese and croutons. Serve with more salt/pepper. Done!

You can top with chicken, shrimp or salmon. 

Note: to coddle an egg: tuck it into bed with a blankie and a cup of tea. Or alternately, boil it for about a minute. When you crack it open, it should be just starting to emulsify - you'll need to mash up the whites a little. If you don't like to eat raw eggs, you could chop a soft-boiled egg, but it won't be the same. Can't help you here.

Note #2: We keep a mouli grater pre-loaded with parmesan in the fridge in a plastic bag. It's always ready to go for fresh grated parmesan.

Family memory: When Doctor Sister was pregnant and living in Princeton and I was in NYC, she'd beg me to come down on the train on the weekend to make Caesar salad to satisfy her anchovy craving. Funny.

life in the south

Well, hello there, y'all (spoken very slowly). Sorry I've been out of touch - I've been on vacation at my parents' in North Carolina and the outside world has kind of faded away. Maybe it's the humidity, maybe it's the south, maybe it's because I don't have my computer, but I never seem to be able to post from here.

Things move slow here, including me. It's hot and muggy. And even when it's not hot it's muggy. I'm always amazed at the humidity, coming from the high desert. It's like living underwater. Everything is limp. Paper, clothes, cereal, my brain, the cat. With the notable exception of my hair, which is having a party all by itself.

Plus I've been busy. We've been cooking, hanging by the pool, knitting, comparing mosquito bites, making huge pots of food, buying groceries, cooking more food, pulling weeds, discussing dinner, cleaning up after dinner, marveling at loathsome bugs, writing shopping lists, reading, making lunch, watching soccer and tennis, stopping at various farm stands for more vegetables, sewing, going to the supermarket and oh yes, cooking. See? Way too busy to blog.

How does anything ever get done in the south? I'll post after I get home and dry up.

a flyby food post

A blog is the ultimate opportunity to brag, right? Well, we just had a casual Thursday meal that may not be replicated in the finest spots in LA/NY. A salade composee of:

• Rare london broil
• fresh salad greens
• sauteed morels
• crispy fried shallots
• homemade buttermilk bread toast points

I've impressed myself.

Meanwhile, Henry says: "Lettuce with cold meat? I don't get it."